Thursday, April 29, 2010

Home Neighborhood

This assignment was given to us by our English teacher. We were to write about our home neighborhood and something that happened during that time that you lived there. This story is about my friend and I doing something different then what we would usually do, and we ended up getting into some trouble.

It was the middle of the summer in the year 1999 on a Friday afternoon, and everyone was home. It was about 89 degrees outside that day. So my mother kicked my brother and I out of the house for the day and told us to go play with our friends. I was standing in the garage trying to come up with things to do because it was so hot outside. I thought and thought for about 5 minutes, and decided to ride my bike down to my friend Courtney’s house, to see if she wanted to go the pond, which was our favorite place to go on hot days like this. When I got to her house her mother was outside in the garden planting flowers and putting up little fences to keep the rabbets away. I walked inside without even asking because I was pretty much family. I walked up to Courtney’s room and asked her if she wanted to ride her bike and go to the pond with me.

“We just went to the pond yesterday” Courtney cried.

“Yeah, yeah so what? There’s nothing else to do” I said.

Umm, how about we go EXPLORING!” As she jumped up from the floor.

“Sweet, where are we going to explore? ” I said with a confused look on my face.

“lets go to the woods behind my house” Courtney said as she was running to but her shoes on.

Okay” Even though I agreed. I was still scared of what would happen if we went into the woods.

Except Courtney did not give me any time to think or even say that it was a bad idea. She grabbed my arm and we were off. we ran down stairs to the back door, and jumped off the deck and landed in the soft just cut grass. We both ran as fast as we could through the yard till we got to the edge of where the yard was no longer a yard but a black hole of trees. We asked Courtney’s mom if it was okay to go into the wood’s. She wasn’t really paying attention and said yes anyway. Courtney and I pretended that we were on an important mission. We traveled through huge ditches and thought we were getting eaten by ground hogs and walked along a tiny stream that we thought was the ocean.

As our journey continued, we came across an abandon house. From what we could see no one lived their. All the windows had holes in them from where someone had thrown a base ball or a rock through it to get inside. As we were exploring we could hear little creaking noises coming from behind us. Courtney and I really didn’t think of anything because it could have been some birds in the trees or some animals walking through the brush so we kept exploring. Until we heard some people talking, and then they started screaming. Courtney and I looked at each other, and slowly turned around, to see what was going on. When we got all the way turned around we saw two men standing in front of us with there two Doberman pinschers. After seeing them Courtney and I started freaking out. I was scared because I knew that something was going to go wrong and Courtney was freaking out because she didn’t like big dogs. Even though the men were a good distance away they started to talk to us.

“Do you know where you are?” one of the men said to us.

“Um were in her backyard” I said.

“I don’t think your in her back yard, girls, what you are on is privet property and if you don’t leave now were going to let our dogs go” the man said.

After hearing that Courtney and I were screaming and running all at the same time trying to get away from what was going on. We were running so fast it felt like we were flying through the woods and that our feet weren’t even on the ground. Courtney and I ran through the stream and the ditch that we were just playing in. As we got closer to the edge of the woods you could see the sun light gleaming through the trees and the hole that we came in from. When we finally reached the hole that we made to get into the woods. We jumped out of the woods and we were so happy to be in Courtney’s real back yard. Courtney and I were so excited to be back, that we ran to her mom and told her everything that happened. She listened and laughed, but then told us that she had no idea that we were gone.

10 comments:

  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  2. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  3. Nutshell-Two girls are bored and looking for something to do. They adventure off into the woods and end up on someone elses property.

    I thought that your dialouge was good but that with some more between the characters we could get to know them better. I liked the imagery you used-"black hole of trees" to give the woods more of an erie feeling. I liked the part about being eatin by groundhogs, that made me laugh.

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  4. The story was about two young girls, really good friends obviously, setting out to fill a boring day with adventure. They explore and find an abandoned house but thats where the trouble is. Two men with dogs threaten to let thier dogs chase after them if they don't get off of thier private property. The girls escape and end up safe at home.

    I really liked the story. It seemed like something I could totally relate to when I was little. It brings back some memories.

    I really liked the part where you imagined that there were ground hogs trying to eat you or something like that. That was pretty funny. I also really liked the ending. You are really good at using wit in your stories.You might want to try and add a few more sense details though.

    Good Job!

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  5. I think the story does itself justice by trying to fill a young person shoes. You built up this great story about everything being lighthearted and a perfect day. Then once everything seems to be going perfectly the trouble hits, these people threaten you and it takes a twist toward a horror story. The last sentace from the mom was priceless.

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  6. Nutshell: A girl with nothing to do on a summer day decides to voyage through the woods behind his friends house.

    I thoroughly enjoyed your imagery.

    "I thought and thought for about 5 minutes, and decided to ride my bike down to my friend Courtney’s house, to see if she wanted to go the pond, which was our favorite place to go on hot days like this. When I got to her house her mother was outside in the garden planting flowers and putting up little fences to keep the rabbets away."


    I really enjoyed the danger that they were presented with. Seemed completely believable for the circumstances and the dialogue was on point.

    "Even though the men were a good distance away they started to talk to us.

    “Do you know where you are?” one of the men said to us.

    “Um were in her backyard” I said.

    .

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  7. I like the innocence of your story. It is about two young girls, one obviously afraid of what might happen in the woods and the other ready for an adventure.
    I really enjoyed how you took us along on the trip but deep down you knew that it was forbidden.

    "After hearing that Courtney and I were screaming and running all at the same time trying to get away from what was going on. We were running so fast it felt like we were flying through the woods and that our feet weren’t even on the ground"
    I really like this passage because it helps us picture the quickness and effort to escape the woods.

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  8. This story is about two young girls who are looking for something to do. Instead of going to their usual spot, the pong, they decide to explore some woods that turn out to be private property. The owners of the land threaten to release their dogs on the girls, oblivious to the situation, and they run home to safety.

    I liked the use of dialogue in this story and I felt it was easy to relate to the dialogue of the girls as we have all once been an innocent kid.

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  9. Nutshel: Two girls are bored and decide to go on an adventure in the back woods.

    Great story and I love it because it has this unintentional humor in it that makes it show the character's young age. The only comment I could make is that I didn't feel like the dialogue was doing two things at once. I felt like it's only reason was to move the story along.

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  10. In a nutshell, this story is about two girls wanting to explore a backyard and end up getting in to some trouble.
    I thought that the story was told in way that capture the innocence of being young and the sense of adventure we all had as kids. Once again, i thought that sense details were good here in the describtion of the setting and the interaction between the two main characters.

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