Tuesday, April 27, 2010

A One Night Light Show

The assignment was to establish a place, we also had to attach a map of our neighborhood with the story to map out ideas and where they took place. My impulse came from an activity we used to take part in about 2 years ago when we bought two big packs of roman candles while coming home from cedar point.

It was the night of my 12th birthday and I decided to have a sleep over with a few of my friends at my house. It was the typical birthday party cake, ice cream and birthday presents. Until night fall it was a typical boring adolescent birthday party. That night my friends and I decided to sneak out and adventure down to the local park, which was only a few blocks away from my house. My older brother Jeremy had just recently purchased a giant box of roman candles the he hid from me in his closet so i wouldn't be tempted to blow my hand off. i slowly crept my way into his room and snatched up a huge armful of the explosive devices the we were off.

The crisp night air burnt our lungs, we were free. Once we got to the park we made our way to the farthest open field as possible, that way when we lit off the fireworks it would diminish our possibility of being caught. The game we always played we had named after the movie Harry Potter. The roman candles were magic wands that spit out fireballs from the ends of the stick. There was only a few simple rules: don't get close to anybody, and shoot them while you yelled out magic spells at your opponents. Blue. Yellow. Purple. Red. White. the night sky was like our own personal fourth of July. we were young, we were innocent. the world was ours

Going into the 3rd or fourth round of the light show and gigantic explosions it was no surprise
some lights that were not made by us. blue and red flashing lights glistened and reflected back off of the tree tops. someone yelled out "COPS!", we looked like fire ants scurrying for shelter or a morsel of food that had just been dropped along the side walk.

Two of us has suddenly gotten separated from the group and decided to dart into the thick back woods where we knew all the hidden routes to hiding spots. the long branches clawed their way at my face and clothes as if they were hands trying to containme against my will. once we emerged from the thick woods i noticed we were only a few blocks from reaching the safety of my own home. i knew if we kept to the shadows we would not be caught. we were like ninjas; we had mastered the art of camouflage. we were deadly, we owned these streets. We made our way through back Yard's and hopped over fences, the street lights were our enemy. we were young vampires trying to cloak themselves and found comfort amongst the darkness. We saw a cop car troll by only once while we were making our travels back home. A block away and the second we saw the police car we darted into a near-by bush. we tried so hard not to sneeze, make ovement or even scratch an itch. this would be the end, or so i thought. no more birthday parties;no more presents; grounded for life.

when i reached my back door i looked into my friends faces and it finally hit me. We had made it. We were home. as i turned the key i smiled to myself and we crept our way up the stairs like mice. not making a sound until we had reached the comforts of my bed room. this was it; this was freedom. for one night the world was ours for the taking.


  1. I am interested to see where your story goes since my story was about fireworks, and roman candles specifically, as well. Fireworks are always such a good and bad idea at the same time.

  2. I really liked your story. You really had great scenes details and you really made the reader feel like they were in the park with you watching the fireworks go off and being in fear of the cops. good job

  3. I think that the story was great and had great humor in it. I thought though that you could use alot more sense detail and description so I could feel like I was there. I really wanted to be one of the kids holding those roman candles and I think that you are almost there.

  4. This story was about a group of boys at a birthday party who decided to cure their boredom with fireworks. They used the fireworks as magic wands and shot out roman candle flames as if they were spells from Harry Potter. The cops break up their fun and they are forced to run for safety. They manage to make it home, safe, unpunished for their risque behavior.

    I thought the best part of this piece of fiction was the interior monologue. When the narrator speaks about the boys feeling as if they were ninjas and vampires in the night as they fleed from the cops, it helped us to understand the situation and relate to it.

  5. These types of stories are classical, in a nutshell, birthday surprises. For being so young I think that's what made it really funny. The attitude you are partaking in seems like the typical little kid syndrome, doing instead of thinking about what you're doing. I really like the detail with Harry Potter, ninjas and then busted by the cops. I'd actually like to see more from the story maybe with some dialoge, but other than that I really enjoyed it.

  6. I like this story in that it is light hearted and fun. It's relatable to me and probably any other person in some way from memories as a young teen getting in trouble.

    I really enjoyed how you related you and your friends as other things like Harry Potter, ninjas, fire ants, and vampires.

    "the long branches clawed their way at my face and clothes as if they were hands trying to containme against my will."

    I love that sentence!!

  7. This story is about being young and feeling free. I really liked your story because I feel like it is totally relatable.

    The convention I would like to talk about is your attention to sense details. I think you used your sense detail very well. Some of my favorite lines were "The crisp night air burnt our lungs," and also when you talk about the blue and red police lights. I can really image these images. I also likes how you talked about the fire ants and the vampire metaphor as well. You did a really nice job.

  8. Sean, i thought that you did a good job of telling the story from the shoes of a twelve year old. I liked how you decribed sneaking out of the house because that brought back many old memories and i was able to relate personally with your story the best. My favorite passage was Going into the 3rd or fourth round of the light show and gigantic explosions it was no surprise
    some lights that were not made by us. blue and red flashing lights glistened and reflected back off of the tree tops. someone yelled out "COPS!",

    I could really feel the fear here and also the excitement of being young and trying to avoid the cops.

  9. I think the story could benefit from being slowed down. I know there's a word limit (or suggestion) but there are a lot of good opportunities for 'scenes' here and you brush over it all really quickly.

    But other than that it was a fun story I just wish it went into deeper detail.

  10. Great story! I love the part about the lights in the sky not being all from fireworks! I knew right away that trouble was brewing. I think this story is so much fun because we all did things in our teenage lives that were harmless fun to us, but probably could have gotten us into some serious trouble! Nice scene details and the metaphors were great!