Thursday, May 6, 2010

The story that i revised was the one i did for the excercise where we had to find a painting and write a story. The painting i wrote about was Winslow Homer's The Gulf Stream. The painting can be seen at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Winslow_Homer_004.jpg.

“This is it.” I remember thinking. Fifteen years as a fishermen and I was about to become fish food. I had been fishing off shore of Mexico with my buddy Jose for sailfish when we encountered a terrible storm. Out of nowhere the sky got black and the wind kicked up. Waves over 20 feet were rocking our tiny ship as we huddled inside the cabin. I could hear the hull creaking and groaning.
“Hey Jose!” I shouted over the wind.
“What up Pancho?”
“Remember on Friday when we got paid for our last catch? When I wanted to use the money to hole up the leaks and get a new mast? But you just had to go to the bar. ”
“Oh yeah my bad man. If it makes you feel any better I was having a really bad day.”
As Jose proceeded to tell me about his terrible day I heard a large crash right above us. The mast had splintered but was still attached to the boat by a few ropes and was beginning to drag us down.
“Hey man I have to get those ropes!” Jose patted me on the back and crawled onto the deck. He managed to cut the ropes but as he turned to crawl back a huge wave, maybe 30 feet, hit our ship. Jose was thrown into the water and it was a miracle the ship didn’t capsize. I would learn later, while inspecting the ship that Jose had cut his leg on a lose board as he fell, attractting a large pack of bullsharks. I immediately ran out onto the slippery deck and tried to toss him a rope but those sharks made quick work of poor old Jose.
As the storm began to break up and the sun started to come out again I peered into the water. My heart dropped when I saw that the bullsharks, probably ten of them were still circling around my boat. They were snapping their jaws and the only thing I could look at were their rows of razor sharp teeth. To make matters worse the storm had washed the boat way off shore. I had no idea what I was going to do when I noticed a small speck on the horizon. I could tell right away that it was a large ship.
“I have to make sure that ship sees me,” I thought, “otherwise ill never see my family again!”
I was in the process of trying to produce a paddle when I noticed several coils of rope sitting on the deck of the boat. I had heard of the cowboys from the American west and how they would use lassos to rope up cows. I figured if they could lasso a cow from horseback, I might be able to lasso a shark or two and have them drag me over to that ship!
I crawled my way over to the ropes and began to knot a lasso in the end of one of the ropes. As I balanced myself against my broken mast I swung the lasso high overhead.
“Splash!” I missed my target.
After two more tries I was finally able to snare one of the deadly fish. I quickly tied the end of the rope around the splintered mast at the front of the boat. After the first one I managed to snag two more sharks and got them tied up.
At this point I was starting to feel like my chances of survival were looking up, but I still wasn’t sure how I was going to control the sharks. While mulling my situation over I realized that I still had several pounds of baitfish stored below deck. Slowly I lowered myself down into the hold and retrieved the fish.
I began throwing the fish in a straight line out in front of the boat. As I threw the fish out in front of the boat the sharks would swim so powerfully that I prayed the mast would hold. After what seemed like an eternity I finally began to close in on the ship.
I began jumping up and down, waving my arms desperately trying to get someone to notice me. When the men on the ship finally did see me they sent out a huge rowboat, much bigger than my tiny vessel. As they made their way up to me they were surprised to see my lassoed sharks snapping about in the water. I was thankful for their service and decided to untie the ropes and set them free.
Once onboard the ship the sailors were astounded to hear my story. They regarded me as a god for being able to control such wild beasts and were happy to drop me off back at my home port. Once there everyone was astounded to see such a huge ship. I rowed into shore and waved goodbye to my new friends. As I walked up the shore I decided right there that I would never fish again. Luckily I had taken out a new insurance policy on the boat this year and received a pretty nice chunk of change for the boat. With the money I opened a bar in town. Sharkfin soup is our specialty.

10 comments:

  1. Nutshell: Trouble happens to a working fisherman.

    Really funny. I loved the end where you open the bar with the money you got. Thought that there could of been more dialogue between characters but the way you spoke to the reader was really good. It moved the story and revealed character.

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  2. In a nutshell, this story is about a fisherman whose rickety ship cannot withstand a terrible storm. His friend Jose is eaten by the sharks circling the vessel as it is being torn apart by the storm. The protagonist rides the sharks to another boat and to safety. He vows never to fish again and uses his insurance payment to buy a bar in honor of his friend Jose who had used the money from their last catch at a bar as opposed to fixing the ship.

    I thought that one of the strong points in this story was the dialogue and how it was used, with other parts of the story, to interject humor into the story and provoke laughter. It is relatable and comedic at the same time:

    “Remember on Friday when we got paid for our last catch? When I wanted to use the money to hole up the leaks and get a new mast? But you just had to go to the bar. ”
    “Oh yeah my bad man. If it makes you feel any better I was having a really bad day.”

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  3. I love this story. Its about an adventure at sea and your description and imagination really worked well together to create a semi-suspenseful, funny story.

    "I had heard of the cowboys from the American west and how they would use lassos to rope up cows. I figured if they could lasso a cow from horseback, I might be able to lasso a shark or two and have them drag me over to that ship!"

    I love this passage, it is so creative. It makes me wonder, where did you come up with an idea like this??

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  4. Nutshell: This is a story about a fishing expedition gone wrong off the coast of Mexico.

    I thought this story was very funny and original. I instantly felt transported to this place in time. Good Job putting me as the audience there. I also thought the ending was fantastically ironic. The length of this story worked really well with the impression it had on me.

    I thought the writing was best during the interactions between the two characters.

    “Hey Jose!” I shouted over the wind.
    “What up Pancho?”
    “Remember on Friday when we got paid for our last catch? When I wanted to use the money to hole up the leaks and get a new mast? But you just had to go to the bar. ”
    “Oh yeah my bad man. If it makes you feel any better I was having a really bad day.”

    This is a genuinely funny interaction.
    Good Job.

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  5. In a nutshell, this story is about a fisherman and the trouble he has when at sea.
    I thought that this was a really good story. it reminded me of the kind of tall tales i would read as a kid like pesco bill. I thought that the sense details were really good in this story as it felt like you were in the boat with the character. You can never go wrong with a story set a sea. Also like the ending with dedicating the bar to Jose. Good job.

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  6. It's about a man and his sharks.

    Pretty good stuff. While the plot itself was dramatic and ridiculous, the voice you used was very casual, like telling an anecdote at a party. The combination was actually really funny. Had the plot been less intense, or the voice more dramatic, you would have had an entirely different story.

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  7. This story reminds me of a tall tale that this guy would tell somebody who asked why the bar was named after someone. It reminds me of the movie big fish, which is a great movie. I think you had great elements of scene you seemed to know a lot about ships and included the functions of the ship. I feel that if you did not have this prior knowlede the story would seem forced.
    Great job

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  8. This story is about a man and his partner who go fishing in a crapy boat, that they were going to fix but Jose his partner uses the money at the bar and then soon dies because he gets ate by sharks.

    The details of your story were great. I really felt like i was in the boat with you. I also thought that it was funny that you lassoed sharks.

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  9. In a nutshell - the story is based off a fisherman and how the deep blue sea finally got him.

    The details of this story are pretty tight. I also thought it was pretty funny even though the subject wasn't very light. It reminds me also of a movie, but I don't remember the name of it. It was a really old classic though.
    Anyways, I felt for the characters. The story can potentially be something more if you work with it. I liked it, nice work

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  10. In a nutshell, this story is a tall tale about a man who goes fishing and is saved by an unlikely creature, the shark.

    I love this story! Great scene setting and I think it takes talent to make a story humorous through tragedy. My favorite part was when Jose died and the narrator didn't really give it a second thought, but then dedicated the bar to him because they were best friends! The narrator was only worried about himself, and it just reminded me of some slapstick movies that I have seen. Really good job!

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