tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9002400406436944057.post5352284051802490718..comments2010-06-03T14:14:34.017-07:00Comments on Fiction Writers blog for English 265: On the Saddle Oyster ShoreMike Lohrehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05832313501793243606noreply@blogger.comBlogger10125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9002400406436944057.post-45759251527006113382010-05-11T06:53:47.524-07:002010-05-11T06:53:47.524-07:00In a nutshell, this a glimpse of the meeting of a ...In a nutshell, this a glimpse of the meeting of a boy and a mermaid and their instant attraction.<br /><br />Beautiful scene details! I can picture the setting and how pretty the mermaid is! This story could definitely be expanded on and turn into a long story. It was a great setup and it leaves you wondering what is next for the characters!Leah M Cottrillhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16336465294612223884noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9002400406436944057.post-48347252182227277962010-05-04T19:24:46.941-07:002010-05-04T19:24:46.941-07:00You write scenery scenery scenery very well haha. ...You write scenery scenery scenery very well haha. I'm sort of jealous because I'm often neglecting that sort of thing and having characters just exist in blank environments.<br /><br />As for the plot, I think it would have been more fun to play around with their longing for each other. Really fake the reader out. Make one of the characters reach out to meet the other, but then suddenly hesitate. Or something like that. Maybe the best part for the characters is the ending. But the best part for the readers is watching the characters overcome some obstacles.Sean Moodiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00659568018414462932noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9002400406436944057.post-78261330622187798042010-05-04T16:24:42.444-07:002010-05-04T16:24:42.444-07:00This story was epic! In a nutshell- The desires o...This story was epic! In a nutshell- The desires of the unknown, what we know to be wrong but feels so right.<br /><br />I really like that you thought outside of the box bringing in this mythical character. I really enjoyed the style of it and the sense details. The voice is really strong and it definetly captures your attention. You did a really nice job with it and the length I think worked really well with your story. great character development too, I kind of felt like I wanted to learn more about them.Jacci_Baumannhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11928598986904346493noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9002400406436944057.post-8852778683141624512010-05-04T16:24:33.549-07:002010-05-04T16:24:33.549-07:00this story is about a girl named Esmeralda and how...this story is about a girl named Esmeralda and how she wants to know more about this boy named troy.<br /><br />I really liked your story, the way you wrote it made me feel like it was happening right in front of me.Emilie Keplarhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11166646627915358864noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9002400406436944057.post-36577022512846942962010-05-04T16:22:41.233-07:002010-05-04T16:22:41.233-07:00Looove love love this descriptive story. Your deta...Looove love love this descriptive story. Your details are awesome like you were painting a picture with your words.<br /><br />"Esmeralda sat on the saddle oyster covered shore of her secret cove pulling a muricidae shell through the tangles in her damp hair. She listened to the tranquil lapsing of the gentle waves on the rocky land. She watched as the blistering sun twinkled along the caps of the aquamarine undulations of the salty water. The sun made her vibrant crimson and gold hair dance in the breeze just like a flame in the wind. " <br /><br />I know it's the opening but it is so great. You captivate your audience in the first few lines.FawnSvetovichhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02359054078927225401noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9002400406436944057.post-47441776940023870262010-05-04T16:20:16.564-07:002010-05-04T16:20:16.564-07:00The story is about a mermaid who is being pursued ...The story is about a mermaid who is being pursued romantically by a human being. I really enjoyed how the story just stopped at the end. Brittany starts leading us in a direction but the reader gets to decide what happens in the end with the mermaid and the guy. I liked the repeted use of place details, espically to decribe the sea and the mermaid.Blake Fileshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04463335175736043398noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9002400406436944057.post-61776526829668881692010-05-04T16:15:27.480-07:002010-05-04T16:15:27.480-07:00This story is about a mermaid who is being courted...This story is about a mermaid who is being courted by a human male. She understands that she shouldn't see him anymore because she is different, but upon seeing that she is different, the man exclaims that he knows what she is insists that she is beautiful because she is different. Despite their differences, they decide to pursue whatever relationship may come from this encounter.<br /><br />Your sense details and how you worded everything was truly impressive. "The sun made her vibrant crimson and gold hair dance in the breeze just like a flame in the wind." Lines like this make it so easy to imagine this story taking place, even as fantastic and improbable a situation as it was.thebrianshawhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00146337594458963613noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9002400406436944057.post-39099003162145689272010-05-04T16:15:16.966-07:002010-05-04T16:15:16.966-07:00Really good story. I really don't have much to...Really good story. I really don't have much to say because I focused on sense detail and you hit it out of the park. I could pick a specific quote that uses sense detail but you find it in about every line of the story. I also thought it was good because not only did you use good sense detail but you also kept the story moveing which I think is a hard thing to do. great job.Donald yoakamhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09233764046667928102noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9002400406436944057.post-58308364902850703032010-05-04T16:13:44.405-07:002010-05-04T16:13:44.405-07:00The story was about a mermaid who is captivated by...The story was about a mermaid who is captivated by seeing a human and breaks tradition of her teachings. she ends up going up and talking to him. <br /><br />I want to talk about the voice of this narrative, it reminded me alot of the little mermaid but you pulled off the voice greatly. I can tell your nitch is doing fantasy writing because you do it quite well. You made everything seem elegant, important and sacred which i beleive is the way Esmerelda saw the world.Sean Murphyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05625309030281616482noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9002400406436944057.post-89672036108626489882010-05-04T15:47:08.625-07:002010-05-04T15:47:08.625-07:00I think this is almost perfect in being so short. ...I think this is almost perfect in being so short. It adequately describes the two characters, and ends with a scene between the two. I think it would be interesting if it ended more effectively. Like, if something completely profound in nature happened between the two characters, and then the story ended. Like a fairy-tale, or a myth. Like a moral is learned or something like that.<br /><br />Awesome Title. Good Sound. Beautiful Images. Very Fantastic Voice. <br /><br />"The sun made her vibrant crimson and gold hair dance in the breeze just like a flame in the wind" -amazing.<br /><br />I thought your writing was at its best in this instance<br /><br />"Esmeralda knew that she shouldn’t allow this human to see her again. She knew it was against the way of her people to interact with the people of the land. She had never felt such a compelling urge to be near someone though. She hesitated in the shadow before slowly allowing herself to be seen by the beautiful human."<br /><br />I'm interested in which paintings you used because this story stirred beautiful images in my mind.Matt Fowlehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11389699770771992640noreply@blogger.com